


Throw the dice and play with me

by olympiansally



Category: Death - Fandom, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It of Sorts, L wins! AU, Light is in jail at first, M/M, Rivals to Lovers, Slow Burn, but it all works out don't worry, but not that slow, will add more tags and characters as the story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-22 22:01:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30045405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olympiansally/pseuds/olympiansally
Summary: You don’t forget how to play the game just because you lost at it and Light had their instructions manual permanently etched into his very soul.L wins AU! in which Light has been in jail for two years when L shows up asking for his help with a case. Light desperately wants to help, he missed their competition and has been very bored without it but he feels that L is hiding something. Still, Light helps hesitantly, all the while trying to figure out what game the detective is playing at. Meanwhile, L is willing to play at any game, as long as Light plays with him.
Relationships: L/Yagami Light, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 49





	1. the instructions manual to our very souls

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Dominic (@queersturbate on tumblr) for all the wonderful feedback and emotional support! You’re an amazing friend and I most likely wouldn’t have had the courage to post this fic without your encouragement, so this goes out to you!!
> 
> In terms of timeline, the story starts two years after L’s canon death (which didn’t happen here). Instead, Light got arrested and has been in jail ever since. This fic is very lawlight centric and any other pairings will be only mentioned briefly. There is a lot of angst here as they deal with their feelings and the aftermath of the Kira case, but I promise there will be a happy ending!  
> I’m very excited to be sharing this!  
> That’s it on notes for now i guess, enjoy!

The constant hum of the overhead lights is dull and numbing but Light finds it helps him call down. Kicking at the metal frame of the prison bed, he’s staring at the ceiling, mind projecting familiar yet faraway images to distract him.

Combined with the low buzzing of the locked cell door and the faraway sounds of the guard’s footsteps as they make their rounds, it’s like a symphony. An annoying yet grounding symphony that echoes like a whisper of _you lost, you lost_ , in the amused voice of someone he used to know. And while the nightmares can be bothersome, at leats that symphony quiets when he’s sleeping.

Light inhales in time with the hum, exhales when the guards change directions and stares at the ceiling. No use in thinking about him now, specially as Light’s trying to calm down. Even as his heart is still racing, still struggling to catch his breath, he can already feel the boredom settling back into his bones.

It’s always here with him, complete, unescapable _boredom_ that not even the nightmares can keep at bay for long. And while he can’t quite decide which is worst, at least in the nightmares there’s the rush of competing, the excitement of still having something left to lose.

His nightmares are recurring. Names, writing, faceless monsters with painfully familiar features - sometimes L’s, sometimes his own’s. This time it had been the detective’s and Light had woken up gasping, sweating cold and haunted by dark eyes and a knowing smile. He breathes again, but the once familiar smug expression is still burned inside his mind.

He takes another deep breath, silently cursing L’s mocking face that his mind insists on projecting at the ceiling.

The quiet prison symphony is disturbed slightly by the sound of a maniacal cackling and Light snorts. It comes from the cell across from his and is a sound he is used to. They don’t call this cell block the crazy ward for nothing and his neighbour is very interested in maintaining that rep. The cackling continues, merging with the rest of the sounds around him. Light brushes his hair away from his face with a sigh, the cold sweat making the orange jumpsuit cling to his skin uncomfortably.

When the nightmares show his own face its easier, a little self loathing might hang around for a few days - not with regret for what he’s done, for _Kira_ , since the only thing he truly regrets is getting _caught_ \- but then it’s over, the self loathing goes away and then he’s fine.

When it’s L’s it’s always worse. Because L is nothing if not persistent and his image _clings_. Even if Light knows that L’s mocking face isn’t the most welcome sight, he still can’t make his mind look away. It persists and Light stares, tracing the features he hasn’t seen in years, checking to see if he can still picture all of him, if he’s starting to forget.

He narrows his eyes at ceiling L in a challenge no one will rise to as his cell neighbour’s laugh gets louder and louder.

“Quiet over there!” a passing guard calls out to the laughing prisoner and Light snorts louder this time. As if _that_ ’ll make him stop.

They sometimes try to make him quiet down, but it only passes when it does and until then the halls are filled with sinister laughter no one seems capable of stoping. It doesn’t bother Light as much as it used to and the guard’s unnerved looks more than make up for it, giving Light a desperately needed bit of entertainment, even if this particular fit of cackling had already been going on for a few days.

“Hey, I said quiet!” the guard stops in between their cells and Light actually raises his head at that. They tend to spend as little time as possible here, always speeding up as their rounds take them to this particular hallway between _creepy-laughter-maniac_ and the infamous _Kira_.

The guards’ usual hesitation towards them is a perk of that reputation that Light actually enjoys, specially since he has to do very little to keep it up. His neighbour’s moods tend to be creepy enough to ensure no one dares approach their vicinity without reason, so this little display of stupid bravery catches Light’s attention. He’s hoping a little entertainment will make ceiling L go away. The imaginary detective is _laughing_ now and Light gives an annoyed sigh, looking away.

The guard shivers slightly as the maniacal laughter continues and Light chuckles, pausing when the man turns towards him.

“Yagami” he calls and Light stares, because the man is talking to him and _this is new_ “You have a visitor, get up”

The laughter sounds louder from across the hall and for the first time Light feels like it’s mocking him, though that’s probably just because ceiling L is still _lingering._ The guard shifts uncomfortably when Light doesn’t move.

“Quiet!” the guard tries again, but his voice breaks. Then, towards Light “Must be some big shot to get a visit at this hour, so get moving”

The boredom leaves Light completely for once and he gets up. When the guard starts to cuff him Light almost feels like the cackling could be coming from the made up image of L.

He’s already waiting when Light gets to the room and the sight makes him _freeze_. The guard nudges Light’s back when he stops walking, trying to push him past the doorway.

L looks the same as ever. Same messy hair, same deep shadows under his eyes, same stupid uniform of white shirt and jeans and it’s almost _shocking_ because Light expected him to have changed.

In the times Light had allowed himself to imagine seeing him again, though he refuses to admit to have imagined it often, L had always changed in his mind. Light expected him to be standing taller, to look well rested for once, maybe he would have gotten a haircut, but he had _always_ changed. Light expected him to be the picture of _victory_ but here he is, looking down and biting his nails.

Light thought he’d feel the passage of time upon seeing him. He imagined he’d see enraging evidence that L had kept living, growing, _changing_ while Light had been stuck here.

And yet, there’s nothing to indicate it. L looks as unchanged as Light himself is. Same crouching seated position, same anxious biting of his thumbnail as he frowns down at the table, same wide eyes staring at nothing as he thinks. He looks almost frozen in time, as frozen as Light still is standing in the doorway.

It gives him pause, makes him wonder if perhaps he isn’t still sleeping, his mind still projecting a L from two years ago like it had on the ceiling. But no. The lights overhead hum, the door locks buzz, the symphony continues and Light is awake, in prison. _And L is here._

The guard nudges him again, growing impatient, and Light follows in a daze, approaching the table and the monster from his nightmares whose image he had spent so much time memorising. He doesn’t look scary at all.

The guard pushes Light down onto the chair across from L and Light can’t help thinking that the detective _should_ have changed more. As it is, orange jumpsuit aside, they both look like they could be sitting at head quarters two years ago arguing about Kira. There’s no reason for L to look as sleep deprived as always, it’s not like whatever case he’s working on now could actually _challenge_ him. No, no one will ever challenge L like Light had and the thought gives him a warm tinge of _comfort_ in the odd situation. Makes him feel that yes, he _lost_ , but maybe L did a little bit too.

Looking right at him, Light only feels the familiarity and none of the passage of time. It’s almost nice.

The guard moves to attach the chain from Light’s handcuff’s to a hook on the table, the noise of metal against metal loud, grating and a very rude awakening to the reality that they are not in fact back at headquarters.

Light remembers a time when only one of his hands was bound in a much more comfortable chain, the other end connected to the man sitting across from him.

The metallic noise is what finally gets L’s attention though and he sharply looks up then, as if only now realising Light was there. L’s eyes twinkle slightly, the finger he’d been biting still resting against his lips. Light stares and questions, _why is he here?_

The guard finishes securing the chain and L nods politely at him, a silent dismissal. When the man hesitates, L motions more insistently for him to just _go_.

Light frowns, pulling at his right handcuff as he listens to the guard hurriedly leave them. It feels odd. With L so close the cuff feels cold, doesn’t quite fit like his left one does. The chain is too heavy and he almost craves the lighter one he’d been attached to years ago.

He hears a shuddering breath that could be a laugh and looks up in time to see L’s fingers closed around his own right wrist, eyes trained on Light’s handcuffs as well. L’s eyes spark with amusement, but not the taunting look Light expected to see.

There is no self satisfaction over not being in handcuffs in his eyes, Light absently thinks L maybe even misses them. And wouldn’t _that_ be funny? An internal joke, a shared _hey, remember that time we were handcuffed together for a couple of months?_ It could have been a story shared with a friend. _Too bad you did actually arrested me afterwards_.

So the moment passes and Light once again wonders what he’s doing here. Wonders why is it that he’s only here _now_ and stiffens unconsciously.

L sighs, lets go of his wrist, raising his fingers to his lip instead. The amusement in his eyes lingers. When he finally speaks, Light almost holds his breath.

“Hello, Light-kun” and _fuck_ even his voice hasn’t changed. Light snorts at the use of the honorific, hasn’t heard one in years. It brings him back in time, back to _L_ “It’s good to see you”

“L” Light’s voice sounds almost like a whisper and that’s not how he meant to sound. He meant to sound arrogant, maybe even call him an asshole, but the familiarity is taking over him. He frowns, making of show of looking uncomfortable in a way he simply doesn’t feel and schools his voice into something more aggressive “Or maybe I should call you Ryuzaki?”

Light leans back in his seat, making sure to adopt a posture that conveys the challenge.

“Should I call you _Kira_?” L asks, voice unbothered.

Light wanted him to have been offended by the use of the alias. It annoys him that L didn’t take it that way. But all it takes is a glimpse of L’s smirk to know that that’s _exactly_ why L isn’t offended. _He wanted to unsettle me and I let him._

“L is fine” L’s lips twitch in his little smirk, half hidden behind the finger he is still pressing against his mouth. Clearly satisfied to have gotten a rise out of Light, he shifts slightly to make the crouching position more comfortable “Though the polite thing would have been to say that it is nice to see me too, _Light-kun_ ”

It’s said teasingly and Light fights the urge to roll his eyes. He settles for a noncommittal answer.

“I’d say it’s good to see _anyone_ ” he gestures slightly with his bound hands as if saying, _you know, since you put me in jail._

L’s smile grows slightly.

“Nonsense. There are other prisoners in your ward, you have neighbours” he gestures in dismissal “it’s not like you’re _lonely_ ”

Light knows from his tone that it is meant as a joke, and he laughs despite his better judgement, despite the strangeness of the visit. He doesn’t add that _of course_ he’d been lonely, no one here is a match for him, there’s no one who could possibly keep up. Instead he snorts and lets L go on.

“No cellmates though” L raises one finger towards him “I was _very_ specific about that”

 _Oh, he was specific alright._ Light’s incarceration had included a very lengthy explanation of all his rules, conditions and special perks L demanded. He had a single and somewhat spacious cell, he had access to books and sunlight and even _desserts_. But those were just daily reminders that he had _lost_ , L had won and now he was at his mercy, obeying his rules and enjoying whatever L decided he was allowed to. The jab at his pride makes his mood take a sour turn and he frowns.

“What are you doing here, L?” Light finally asks, voice flat and annoyed.

L’s smile drops immediately and he shifts in his crouched position, knees brushing against the table as he looks uneasy for the first time since the guard left.

“Can’t I make a social call?”

 _That_ makes Light snort.

“Sure, two years ago maybe” he gestures slightly, purposefully making the chain rattle as a reminder that L is the reason for them being there. L flinches slightly, dark eyes letting a flash of guilt break through and even if he’s upset, that’s not what Light _wanted._ So he changes tactics instead “Or what, are you admitting that you are here just because you _miss me_?”

Light is smiling wide and teasing now, eyes sparkling with a challenge as he looks up at L through his bangs. It almost makes him shiver, thinking of how only minutes ago he’d been staring up at an imaginary L, unsure if he’d ever get to see him again. But L is real, he’s _here_ and Light is the furthest thing from bored for the first time in two years.

It’s L’s turn to shrug, feigning indifference even if he knows it won’t reach his eyes, his amusement still bright and visible.

“Maybe I’m here for _Kira_ ” he taunts, and Light is relieved to see that he is smiling again, voice meeting Light’s challenging tone.

“So are you saying you _missed Kira_?” it’s a very pleasant thought and Light takes a minute to imagine L solving a bunch of boring cases and comparing them all to _him_. He smirks “ _Of course_ you did”

They stare in a silent competition for a moment, amused gazes locked on one another and Light is struck again by how little has changed between them. His expression must have softened at the thought, because L’s smile gets sharper, as if he seems to have decided that he won this particular round.

Suddenly, the teasing edge is gone and Light can practically see L itching to get some sweets here, to have something to eat and distract himself with. Is all the warning he gets as the detective averts his eyes, looks around the room and gestures towards him, voice taking a practiced conversational tone.

“You look good” he pauses, now staring. Dark eyes searching intently as Light looks back, letting him search for what he’s looking for. Eventually, L seems to find it, nodding with a grimmer expression as he releases a long breath “Memories still intact I see”

 _Oh, so we’re talking about that now_ Light thinks bitterly, _so much for a social call_.

He gives the detective a very ironic smile.

“I seem _sane_ , you mean” Light makes the chain rattle again in a move that might be childish, but he’s upset that the conversation is heading to the topic of L having control over him, to the fact that Light _lost_ “Even though I still have my memories”

L doesn’t look guilty about the handcuffs this time and barely even flinches at the noise. He stares back with interested wide eyes, encouraging Light to continue.

“Which, _of course_ I do, you were _very_ specific about that” Light parrots back L’s earlier words, twisting them into something far darker than they’d been before.

L hums, nodding as he looks away for a moment. Light grits his teeth, annoyed at the uncomfortable turn and already missing the earlier playful banter. Then again, the change was entirely L’s fault.

 _All of this is L’s fault_ , he thinks, pulling a bit at the handcuffs again. His fists clench slightly as he thinks back to the small wad of papers stuffed under his pillow back at his cell, wishing he could run his hands over the pages, let the familiar texture of the death note calm him. Even if the pages _themselves_ were the reason he needed to be calmed down now.

 _Memories still intact I see_ , Light repeats mockingly in his head. As if L hadn’t been _very_ particular about that, hadn’t _demanded_ that Light had access to a few pages of the note, hadn’t _made it_ so that Light remembers.

L _knows_ he has his memories, _demanded_ that he kept them. Was _very_ particular about it, making sure the guards know not to take the pages away from him, paper always available and not a single writing utensil in sight. Pages kept under his pillow that he is allowed to run his hands over and guards under strict instruction to lever allow him access to a pen, pencil, or anything he can draw blood or write with.

Light stares back more defiantly, his anger is being fuelled by the reminder that he has to live by L’s taunting demands and he feels about to snap. He doesn’t have any doubt that L picked up on his growing discomfort by now so Light narrows his eyes, daring him to rise to the challenge.

Instead, L nods. Appraisal finished at last as he softens his gaze. But the softness only fuels Light’s rage further. Familiarity now taking a bitter edge as Light recalls being evaluated by those eyes many times before, ever growing Kira percentages culminating in his incarceration. In him having to abide by the rules L created and _left him_ to.

 _Why is L here?_ Just to check on the state of the abandoned pawns he’s sick of playing with once he won? To see what happened to the _loser_? What, after two years? Light raises his chin towards him in a petty expression, eyes narrowed.

“So other than _missing Kira_ , why are you _really_ here?” his voice is cold and he looks at L like he is something vile, wickedly visiting him just to flaunt the fact that he won, pretending to joke but instead mocking. The venom hides how upset Light really is so he chooses to lean heavily into it. He ignores the sinking feeling curling at his spine and instead focusses on the fact that L must have an angle to all this “What game are you playing at?”

L’s expression softens further at Light’s steely tone. He frowns slightly, averting his eyes with a deep sigh.

“The game is over, Light” his voice doesn’t hold any soothing quality. L’s face twists into a deeper frown, voice strained with something that Light can’t quite place and the feeling of not being able to read him chills Light, even as L’s voice sounds more resentful then threatening “It has been for a long time”

Light _knows_ that. Of course he does, he’s living his defeat everyday. He _lost_ already, Game over. The end. _Except, of course, that L is here right now_.

L looks back towards him, trying to communicate a message Light doesn’t know how to translate. He feels like he missed a step and he doesn’t like it. Doesn’t like feeling like L could somehow win _again_. Specially if he doesn’t know what the game even _is_.

“Then why _are_ you here?” he snaps, giving up and deciding to interpret L’s words as if he’s deeming Light useless and it hurts even if he knows that that’s not at all how they were meant.

He doesn’t even care that his words are sounding more and more like he’s whining because he _does_ feel useless now. Now that they’re not competing. What could L possibly gain from interacting with someone he has _already_ defeated? He’s sure there’s something and he hates that he can’t figure out what it is.

Light knows him enough to know he is always playing. And if they’re playing Light has to know what L’s move is, otherwise he’ll lose. And he _refuses_ to lose again.

“Everything is always a game with you” he hisses “If you’re here now it’s because there’s something you can _win_ ”

L doesn’t seem taken aback by the harsh words. Instead, he snorts as if saying _you’re one to talk._ He smiles, his eyes shining with genuine amusement and Light realises that L is _enjoying_ _this_.

Which means that even if he tells him why he’s here, Light will have to figure out for himself what the game truly is. He snorts right back _._

And L looks up at him, apparently surprised that Light understood the playful encouragement, which _of course_ he had.

Did L expect him not to? As if they hadn’t spent months trying to read one another? Trying to guess each other’s thoughts? To read the truths under well rehearsed lies? _Months_ chained together, getting to know one another? Did L really expect him to have just _forgotten_ how to read him?

 _No, I didn’t forget how to play the game just because I lost at it_ and Light had their instructions manual permanently etched into his very soul.

He admits he’s glad for the confirmation that he didn’t forget any of it in his time away, that their ability to silently understand one another is still sharp in ways others couldn’t ever keep up with.

He was afraid he’d lose it. Was afraid of waking up one day and not know what L’s little gestures meant, of the face in his nightmares suddenly becoming unfamiliar, of maybe meeting L again one day only to realise he himself was the one who stoped being able to _keep up_.

And in the relief of the assurance that his fears didn’t come true, Light is able to admit that he has _missed_ this. Having someone to bounce off of so seamlessly, someone so undeniably _like him_.

Light hadn’t just been bored and lonely the passed two years. Light had been _missing him_. Which, he realises must mean he was right before and L missed him too, _Light and Kira both_.

He feels a tinge of excitement at having been right, at wining this round. At still being _able_ to win. There’s comfort in this. In knowing that the fact that neither of them had changed meant they still _knew_ one another. That despite time and distance they were still _them_.

Light delights in L’s amused smirk. Knowing L had probably been thinking in similar lines, if the way his eyes spark with life was any indication. The reading of facial expressions and silent clues goes _both ways_ and he’s sure L watched the whole emotional ride reflected on his face.

L leans forward, looking so _pleased_ that Light just stares, cataloguing this expression alongside everyone of L’s faces he’d studied and memorised while staring at the cell room ceiling, - in between L’s he’d seen in memories and nightmares alike, in the hall of L’s he struggled and vowed to remember. And Light _watches_.

L exhales softly, still holding his gaze and something in Light’s chest flutters and finally _finally_ falls into place with the way L is looking at him.

“I suppose you were right” the words aren’t loud, but Light feels as if they are being whispered right against his skin, nerves turned to lightning by his recent win. Light is thrilled at hearing L admit defeat, even if he’s sure it’s a strategic loss of battle meant to help win the war “I _am_ here for you”

The words echo in Light’s excited mind, inebriated at having won, at being right, at being able to keep up still, _I am here for you_. He knows the choice of words is no accident, understands why L didn’t say Light _or_ Kira. It makes him smirk, it makes his eyes shine brighter. _No, not Light or Kira, right L?_ He’s even more glad for the assurance that he’s still a worthy player in their game now that it’s coming from L, because he is sure of what he means by it. _He’s here for me._

Light still knows him and he knowsL isn’t here because he missed Light _or_ Kira. He’s here because he needs them _both_.


	2. emotional rollercoaster for those who can’t read feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there was any hesitation before, this makes Light plunge into interested head first. Sure, he’d guessed it must be about some investigation, but the way L said it now indicates that’s it’s not just some boring new case. Could it be?
> 
> Emotions run high as Light tries to figure what it is that L actually wants from him. Misunderstandings and confused feelings lead to a big revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone!  
> I’m so excited to keep sharing this story with you!  
> This is a pretty angsty chapter, be warned, but things end on good terms!  
> Either way, if the angst leaves you feeling too hurt, I definitely recommend you check out ‘We're Gonna Nuke Each Other Up' here on AO3. It’s a lovely fluffy piece that never fails to warm by heart and it was written by the amazing Dominic (@queersturbate on tumblr), a friend of mine you should absolutely follow!  
> Also, I really wanted to thank everyone who showed me their support for this fic through comments, reblogs, messages or any other way as well, you are the best and I love every single one of you!!!  
> I guess this is it on notes of now. Hope you enjoy the chapter!

“So you need me” Light can’t help but sound conceited as he smirks at L and basks in maybe having the upper hand for once “How _interesting_ ”

L snorts loudly, clearly amused by how excited Light is at all this. He rolls his eyes and waits for Light to get it out of his system. And it’s all the permission Light needs to _really_ have fun with it.

“I’m afraid I might not be much help” he makes it so that the handcuffs rattle loudly and is delighted to see that there’s not a sign of guilt in L’s eyes now “You know, since I’m locked up and all that”

L leans forward in his crouch, knees against the table as he rests his chin on his hand. His smile is soft and relaxed.

“Oh, I’m sure I could fix that” there’s a shift in his expression and his eyes sparkle with _mischief_ “Though I can’t promise you won’t end up right back in them depending on what we find”

If there was any hesitation before, this makes Light plunge into _interested_ head first. Sure, he’d guessed it must be about some investigation, but the way L said it now indicates that’s it’s not just some boring new case. _Could it be?_

“Is that so?”

“Of course” L smiles, slow and teasing “After all, I do have a tendency of finding you _guilty_ ”

Light wonders if he means it. _Does he really think I’m committing some crime from in here?_ That would _sure_ be fun. But why would he? Why would L even have any reason to suspect him of anything if he’s the one who decided the terms of Light’s incarceration? _Maybe it’s because it has something to do with me._

The look in L’s eyes makes it clear that he wants Light to wonder. L wants him waiting and eager for answers. Wants him _desperate_ to know before L says it.

L is building anticipation, basking in the way Light twitches, in the way his breath quickens. He’s clearly getting a kick out of it himself and even if Light’s having fun, he almost wants to deny him the satisfaction. He’s about to play cool, feign indifference when L smirks wider and all but whispers.

“Specially since it’s about _Kira_ ”

Light’s eyes widen, unable to keep himself from smiling even though he knows it’ll only make L doubt him. He can almost hear his annoying remarks now. _The chance of you being Kira has increased ten percent, Light-kun._

But the fact that L is here, that L needs him, that it’s about _Kira_? It’s almost too much and he has to take a deep breath to steady himself. He listens to the symphony of the prison, reminds himself that he’s not dreaming, that this is _real_ , and looks back towards L.

The detective is looking back intently, eyes uncharacteristically warm as he takes in Light’s reaction. He makes no effort to hide that it’s exactly what he hoped it’d be. He taps his finger against his lips lightly and pretends to be thinking hard, looking down at the table.

“So you see, Light-kun” his eyes snap up to Light’s quickly, shining with amusement “It looks like you’re back to being my _suspect_ ”

It’s all intoxicating. The competition, the challenge, the fact that L is _letting_ Light play again. It makes him shiver slightly, already on edge for what he hopes is about to come. He’s been itching to play for so long now that the excitement is almost too much to handle.

“Does that mean you’re here to interrogate me?” Light makes a show of looking upset, pouting slightly even though he knows it will only make the fraud more obvious “That’s quite rude, you know, after not coming to visit even once the past two years”

L rolls his eyes, unfazed by the obvious act and doesn’t answer.

Light’s about to laugh, but a dark thought stops him.

What if L _is_ here to interrogate him? What if that’s the help he’s after? Are answers perhaps all the help he needs in this investigation?

His thoughts stray even darker as he remembers another interrogation long ago. He suppresses a shiver at the reminder of Misa strapped down and blindfolded and looks up at L with barely disguised fear in his eyes. _Would he?_

Light knows the type of things Misa had endured. Knows the lengths L is willing to go to in his investigations. But… _could he really do that to me?_

L seems to notice the fear immediately and he shifts positions accordingly, back slightly more straight and tense in his crouching position as he drops the finger he’d been biting, mouth pressed in a tight line. He motions in dismissal, his eyes wide and serious.

“That’s not what this is, Light” his voice is steady, but soft.

He stares directly at Light, letting him see the honest assurance in his gaze.

Light’s heart is still beating a little faster, hands still shaking slightly as he clenches them to keep L from seeing how shaken up he’d really been at the thought. He’s not naive about him. Light has seen all the darker sides of L - darkest sides of _justice_ , as the detective himself would put it - and knows he isn’t above doing all sorts of despicable things to find the truth.

But all the same, Light can’t help but _trust him_. He tells himself it isn’t _L_ he trusts, it’s his own ability to read the detective. That it isn’t that he believes _him_ , it’s that he believes he’d be able to tell if L was lying. And that makes it easier to accept that all the same, he _believes_.

He feels calmer know, almost safe, even if he’s still in handcuffs, still in prison. He feels there’s nothing to worry about, all the danger has been properly analysed and dismissed through logic. Not that there’s anything logic about how warm he feels as L continues to stare at him with soft, trusting eyes.

Shifting in the chair, Light clears his throat, sitting a bit taller and regaining some composure. He makes sure his voice is steady before speaking and lays on his most well-rehearsed unbothered face.

“So what _is_ this exactly?

He’s very glad when L takes the hint and drops it, the chilling tension gradually leaving the room. L mirrors his casual expression and they go on as if Light hadn’t just narrowly avoided shitting his pants seconds prior.

It’s something Light is pleased to know hasn’t changed about them. They tease and taunt, but they’d always been good about respecting certain boundaries. Always pushing for discomfort but only going so far. It’s something he deeply appreciates in this little dynamic they have.

“I suppose, Light-kun” L is back to a tentative amused voice. As if he isn’t quite that amused, but is more using it to change the tone of their exchange “That I’m proposing a _partnership_ ”

Light barely even hears him and just hums in reply, focused as he is in schooling the last stubborn stuttered beats his heart is still giving and fighting to ignore the image is brains is flashing at him of his own figure strapped down and blindfolded. _That’s not happening, he wouldn’t do it. Everything is fine._

Oblivious to Light’s receding panic, L snickers and leans forwards a bit.

“I’m inviting you back to the team” he pauses, starts biting back down on his thumbnail, waits til Light looks up at him then smirks “I’m asking you to investigate _with me_ ”

 _Oh_ , Light thinks, heart calming at once as he exhales a low breath. There’s a warm sensation going through him again, but it fades quickly as the excitement of a new game takes over. _Investigate with you? Investigate Kira with you?_

It’s almost like L is turning back the clock on them and it makes Light smile brighter. The smile is teasing though and he can’t help but taunt him.

“Investigate Kira with you?” he hums, thoughtful and fake “Aren’t you worried I might sabotage the whole investigation?”

He knows the answer before he even hears it, of course, but it’s fun to press L’s buttons.

“I’m sure you’ll try. I’d expect nothing less” L is smirking behind the finger he’s bitting, and his tone makes Light wonder if maybe L _wants_ him to try “But I’m not _worried_. After all, it didn’t keep me from figuring it out _last time_ ”

The sting of being reminded of his loss comes, but it’s weaker than the excitement about the new game now. His mind is _reeling_ with possibilities, with what he’ll do different, with what to change so he _wins_.

Except, he know realises, it’s not really the same game is it?

“But, uh…” he hated being out of the loop, hates having to _ask_ for information “How exactly is this about Kira?”

 _About me_. He doesn’t say the words, won’t give L the satisfaction, and the detective picks up on it, eyes twinkling to see Light holding back.

L studies him carefully, reverting back two years as he watches Light’s reaction. He can tell L won’t give him time to prepare, he’ll blindside him to try and catch a glimpse of true emotion before he can start to pretend.

“There’s a criminal calling themself _Kira_ ”

The words are meant to take him by surprise. And they do. Light clenches his fists reflexively, nostrils flaring for half a second as anger takes over in the shock, but he’s back fast, relaxing his face into polite interest and exhaling slowly.

“Is that so?” he chuckles lightly, remembers how many times he’d done that when L accused him of being Kira. It never worked to throw him off and Light knows it won’t work now.

“It is” L is back to smirking behind his fingers. He looks down, trying to hide the amusement in his eyes behind his mess of black hair, but Light still catches it “I apologise, that must be quite… unsettling to hear”

Light refrains from clenching his hands again and fights the urge to punch him. _You apologise? You’re practically cackling you little shit._

“I won’t pretend it’s pleasant” he thinks about kicking L under the table, imagines how the crouch wouldn’t be stable enough to secure him, how he’d fall to the floor or maybe hit his head on the table. _I might be able to give him a bloody nose._ But he doesn’t. L might take it in stride and most likely would, but the guards outside wouldn’t be quite so forgiving “The idea of someone out there maybe tainting my _legacy_ ”

L snort loudly and rolls his eyes, probably amused at Light still regarding himself quite so highly, even after all this time in jail. L remains silent as he lets Light take in the fact that the name Kira still holds _meaning_ out there. That it’s still powerful even after all these years. That _he’s_ still powerful.

Light wonders how L could probably think that letting him know any of this is a good idea. Whoever this person posing as Kira is, they’re not _Light_. And that means that L should be more than capable of taking whoever that is down with ease. He shouldn’t really need Light for any of this.

In fact, the only thing L’s visit is doing is giving his ego a boost. Letting him know that he’d left an impression in the world. Left an impression in _L_. If his opinion of himself had diminished any during his lock up, it’d be right back to normal by this point. But really it hadn’t. _And L knows that, he knows I’m conceited and very much aware of it._

He smirks back at the detective, waving his previous worry aside.

“But I suppose there isn’t any risk to my legacy. After all, you should be able to expose the imposter in no time” he doesn’t add the obvious _if you were able to expose me,_ but L catches it anyway.

The detective hums, lowering his hand from his lips and drumming the fingers against the table.

“Expose them?” L looks up at the ceiling as he thinks, then back down at Light “I’m not so sure I will”

“Why - ” Light grits his teeth, jaw clenched tight. Another deep breath, another barely suppressed urge to throttle the detective “Why not?”

L hums again and Light vows to kick him under the table if he does it again. Guards be damned.

“Well, Light-kun, as I’m sure you know” he goes back to drumming his fingers against the table “Revealing that another person possesses the power of Kira could cause panic”

Light stares on, pissed. There’s _no way_ L is going to let someone else take credit for what is _his_ , go around pretending to be _Kira_. L wouldn’t do that to him. Light is _sure_ he wouldn’t _._

L looks back at him now, frowning slightly.

“That is of course the very reason why I kept Misa-san from being convicted” he averts Light’s eyes again now, looking around the room and frown deepening “Though I suppose the decision on whether or not to _expose_ them can wait”

 _It most certainly can not, you asshole._ Light is _furious_.

The only comfort he had in having been arrested was that the power was _his_. That L would make sure nothing of the sort ever happened again and Light could live the rest of his days arrested and bored, sure, but also _proud_.

 _He was Kira_. He’d been a _god_. He’d been praised and worshiped and eventually taken down. It had been remarkable, wonderful and _absolutely unforgettable_. For himself, in those death note pages hidden under his pillow that L insisted on him having, but for everyone else as well.

 _He had been a god_ and people would always remember him. He might not have gotten his perfect world, but at least he’d had _glory_ as consolation. The world would never again sing praise for Yagami Light, he stopped having a bright future and a promising life _but the world will always remember Kira._

And _that_ is what made it worth it. He’d lost everything else and he wouldn’t let someone take that from him too. Not some nameless Kira wannabe and most definitely not L.

Light breaths deep again, calms himself. He does want to kick L’s ass but he knows that he won’t get his way if he does it. Besides, there’s the guards and the handcuffs and he’d rather not trust his luck.

 _I can convince him_ , it wouldn’t even be that hard. Honestly, Light is baffled that L is even considering letting this no one pass as Kira when that would be a bad notch on L’s reputation too. Why would he even consider letting the world think that a criminal, even one as impressive as Kira, had been able to slip from his grasp and escape. Not only that, but had been confident enough to start killing again after escaping?

Something like that could ruin L’s reputation and frankly, Light expected the detective to have realised this already. There’s no way L hasn’t thought about this, which is why… _He’s just messing with me_.

Light looks up at him sharply, and sure enough L is almost shaking with contained laughter, mouth pressed closed and eyes sparkling.

“You _fucking_ asshole” Light breaths.

It’s all it takes to break the dam, L almost falling out of the chair as he bursts with laughter. He’s practically choking on it, tiny tears forming on the corner of his eyes as he lowers his head to the table, entire body moving in time with his laugh.

Light can’t remember the last time he saw L like this. In fact, he thinks he’s probably _never_ seen him like this before. He’s sure he’d remember if he had, would definitely have added the image to the rotation of memories to replay on the ceiling. So he looks closely now, catches the details to add it to his mind’s hall of L’s later. It sure would be a nice conter to think of after one of his nightmares.

L is taking in huge breaths now, holding the edge of the table with both hands to brace himself so he doesn’t fall off his crouch. His face is slightly flushed from all the laughing and he’s wiping away the tiny tears that had formed at his eyes. Light can’t help but smile too, shaking his head slightly with amusement at how utterly debauched L looks.

“Ok, ok, you little shit” Light fakes a frown, but knows it can’t possibly cover up his own amusement “You had your fun, calm down”

He watches as L takes a few last steadying breaths, laughter finally dying down. He’s still smiling a little and it mirrors Light’s own.

L exhales slowly, taking on a more serious demeanour, but clearly still relaxed. He presses his fingers back up against his lips and looks up at Light.

“But really, there actually _is_ someone pretending to be Kira”

He knows L is trying to convey the seriousness of the situation, the dangers of having someone like Kira act again. And worst, someone they don’t know. Someone who might not have the same intentions _Light_ did. But at the same time he can clearly see how excited L is at the prospect, how _eager_ he is to investigate. How much he wants the _game_.

“And I will of course expose them, as soon as they are in fact caught”

L is still positively exuding excitement. Light understands it, even enjoys seeing L in competition mode again, but… it really shouldn’t be much of a game should it?

L shouldn’t have trouble catching this person because, again, they might be claiming to be Kira, but they’re not _Light_. L shouldn’t need his help taking whoever this is down.

Not that he doesn’t _want_ to do it. He very much does. His hands are itching at the prospect of taking some Kira copycat down, of making them submit to the only real Kira there is. And the idea of working with L on it, maybe even competing to see who catches the imposter first…

But L shouldn’t _need_ him to. How can this person possibly present a threat? Does L really think they could be a challenge? _Had he found someone else who can keep up?_

The thought is bitter and makes something ugly curl around his stomach. They were meant to be equals, eternal rivals, yes, but also the only ones who _can_ rival each other. But if L needs his help, then this case probably proved to be a challenge.

It chills him, much like the thought of losing the claim to Kira’s tittle had. Because the thought of no longer being L’s competition? Of no longer being the only one who could challenge him? The confirmation of being completely defeat and forgotten? The idea that L left him behind and only came back now because he found someone _better?_

It’s humiliating and it makes him clench his jaw, square his shoulders. L is leaving him behind again, he came here, wants them to work together, sure. But that just means he doesn’t think of Light as his _equal_ anymore.

 _He’s not worried about me, even said so himself_. There’s something acid in Light’s veins, cursing through him and leaving a desperate, angry feeling he can only hope to keep at bay. _He doesn’t see me as a threat anymore._

L left him behind _fully_ , then. L has _moved on_ from him. And if that’s the case, Light himself isn’t even a player. If that’s the case then L is playing against someone else. The venom wraps around him fully, pressing close against his lungs.

He looks up at the smiling detective, who is starting to shoot Light a confused look. He doesn’t seem to understand this time and Light scoffs. Of course he doesn’t, now that Light’s not his _equal_. L’s not here because he needs _him_ , he’s here because he needs his _help_. Not as a player. _As a pawn_.

Light refuses to acknowledge the sting in his eyes that might be tears if he were the type to _cry_. He focuses instead on the burning venom and allows it to fester, to push him to the side of anger. L doesn’t think he can keep up anymore. He’s been demoted from who he used to be, someone challenging, who _demands_ L’s full attention, who can actually _hold it_. No, not anymore. Now? _L doesn’t think he’s worthy._

L isn’t here to play Light. The game isn’t _theirs_ anymore. No, L only needs him because he’s facing someone _better_.

Light’s breath stutters slightly and he curses at it. He used to be better at controlling which emotions to show, but he’s out of practice. There hadn’t been much of an audience to control himself in front of at prison and he’s letting his emotions show, which is just another way in with he doesn’t seem to be a match for L anymore.

And L has the _nerve_ to look worried, confused expression clear on his face, like he doesn’t _need_ to hide his emotions from Light. Like there’s no risk in showing them. Like there’s no risk in _Light_.

L even starts to reach towards him, to comfort, to understand. Like he isn’t afraid of what Light might think, what he might do. And Light’s blood boils _. He would never humiliate me like this before._

It’s the most offensive thing L’s ever done. The final nail in the coffin of their rivalry, their competition. And Light refuses to take it.

He stands up at once, the chair rattling loudly behind him as it hits the floor. L flinches, clearly surprised as he stiffens and narrows his eyes, finally looking on edge. _As he should be._ As Light will make _sure_ he is.

L pulls back the hand he’d been reaching out to comfort Light and stares at him instead, dark eyes wide and waiting.

Light doesn’t know what exactly the plan is, he just knows he wants to hurt and challenge and _demand_. Even if there’s very little he can do in the cuffs and probably not a thing he can actually accomplish.

So it’s probably for the best when the guard barges in.

They both whip their heads towards the noise of the opening door in a flash, and they must look absolutely _murderous_ if the sight of them makes the guard freeze and pale like that. Light doesn’t doubt it, he remembers the way Matsuda had once shivered talking about his and L’s altercations, of how scary they seemed, _like demons_. Matsuda’s fear had been funny then, and the memory helps take some of his furious edge away.

The guard hesitates at the door, clearing his throat as he shoots L a concerned gaze.

L just brushes him off, running his hands through his hair and letting out and annoyed huff.

Light risks a look at him then, and while he’s still pissed, he’s surprised to see how upset L looks. He’s frowning, fingers of one hand getting caught in his knotted hair as his chin rests on the other. His pressed lips and intense confused eyes tell Light that he’s replaying the last few minutes in his head, like he doesn’t know what went _wrong_.

Light is still standing, and the guard makes a move towards him, before L’s eyes snap up at the man, narrowed gaze steely.

“It’s _fine_ ” his voice is ice cold and leaves no room for discussion.

The guard still seems hesitant, shifting his weight between his feet, but he’s probably not very willing to get closer to Kira then he has to and he also doesn’t seem to want to evoke anymore of L’s wrath, so he nods and backs away.

“Actually, sir” his voice is shaky as he addresses L, eyes looking towards the outside corridor like he’s having trouble stopping himself from just _fleeing_ “I was also told to inform you that the transfer you requested is ready”

The man barely waits for L’s nod, hightailing out of the room as if scared they’d follow him.

L still looks confused and angry, lips pursed and hands now intertwined in front of his face as his eyes drill holes into the table.

Light drops onto the chair in front of him, drained from the emotional rollercoaster he’d been on and still hurt over the conclusions it had led him to. L still isn’t looking at him and he feels like he has to do _something_.

“What transfer?” he asks then, because maybe talking about whatever paper L has requested about him will bring the detective’s attention back _to_ him.

L’s eyes snap up at his, confusion still clouding anything else Light could look for in them. He frowns at the question, then lets out a shaky laugh that sounds oddly desperate and far too upset. He runs his hand through his hair, confused expression mixing with a bitter smile to form the picture of someone so _at loss_ that Light is taken aback too.

“ _Yours_. I…” he gestures at him then, still frowning. L looks Light in the eyes now, and there’s something strangely _sad_ there too as he gives another shaky laugh “I want you to come with me”

The whole routine happens again, hair, gesture, laugh, as L seems to be trying to find _something_ to hold on to. Something to help him understand. And while Light isn’t enjoying seeing him like this in the slightest, a least it ensures L’s distracted enough not to notice the shocked look that takes over him.

Light splutters, hands flailing about in their cuffs. He’d be embarrassed, if L wasn’t still looking so completely dishevelled himself.

 _“Why?”_ he doesn’t mean to ask it, but still blurts it out all the same. When L looks up at him, Light winces at how _weak_ he must have sounded.

It makes L look even more confused, which Light didn’t even think possible, and he’s starting to wonder if the detective maybe had a stroke because this behaviour is _very_ unlike him.

L gestures wildly now, huffing in annoyance as he starts looking somewhat angry.

“What do you mean - ” he takes his hand to his hair again and Light almost winces, with how wild the thing is there’s no way he’s not pulling a few strands like this “I told you - I… _to investigate_ , Light, I _did_ say that”

When Light still doesn’t seem to follow, L throws his head into his hand, groaning with annoyance into his palms.

Light has to fight the urge to chuckle at the sight. Mostly because he’s afraid L will give up and just leave him here but also because he’s still not entirely sure if what he thinks is happening actually _is_.

“You’re taking me with you?” se asks, voice tentative and soft, a complete one-eighty from how he’d been before.

L looks up then, expression completely annoyed and exhausted as if he can’t bare to explain it any longer. He resembles so much a moody teenager that it would be _hilarious_ in any other setting.

“Yes” he deadpans, and then slowly, it the tone he uses when talking to people he considers idiots “ _to investigate_ ”

Light rolls his eyes, recognising the tone L usually kept for Misa or Matsuda. He knows he’s mocking but it’s amusing to see L this exasperated towards him.

“I got that” _you dumass,_ he doesn’t add, knowing L isn’t exactly patient and might change his mind if Light pushes too far “What I’m asking is _why?_ Why do you even need my help with it?”

L looks at Light like he’s the one being unreasonable, like he thinks he’s playing dumb on purpose. He runs his hand down his face, groaning again, and then _stops_.

He opens his eyes then, hand still pressed to his face. As he looks to Light, his eyes widen and twinkle. He’s the perfect picture of _ops_.

It’s Light’s turn to narrow his eyes at him then, as L drops his hand and gives him a shit-eating grin. Light can read his meaning clear as day. _Guess I forgot to say that huh?_

He raises an eyebrow at the detective, pointing out exactly who was being unreasonable as he waits for L to elaborate. It’d be infuriating if it wasn’t so funny, how L composes himself at once as just gestures towards him again and huffs, looking like _Light_ was being an inconvenience.

“I suppose your outburst may have distracted me” he says, voice even and unbothered “Which is why I didn’t get a chance to tell you about this important detail”

He holds Light’s gaze then, expression completely twisted into mischief as he grins.

Light can’t help but follow, anger now completely placated because _L is taking me with him._ He doesn’t even try to stop himself from pretty much tingling in excitement now because _he’s not leaving me behind._

Light leans towards him too, knowing from L’s expression that whatever game they’re heading into - however many player there may be - the information he’s about to get is the ultimate game changer.

“The reason why I _need_ your help is that…”

L’s smirk widens, eyes sparkling as he stares at Light intently. He can tell L’s expecting quite a reaction from him and it only makes the anticipation worse. L chuckles, his eyes sharp and teasing and Light holds his breath when L _finally_ speaks.

“ _Kira_ has a death note”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Any and all feedback and comments will be very much appreciated!  
> Also, if you liked this fic you can come see me on tumblr (@olympiansally) where i’m much less angsty and way more fun!  
> Anyway, see you next week for the next chapter!


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